Using A Gag Safely

September 10th, 2012

Using A Gag SafelyPracticing Bondage and Sadomasochism (BDSM) is becoming more and more prominent in society. It is common in people wanting to spice up their love life with a spouse or partner, or people who are aroused by power, either having or not having it. While BDSM is a great tool to have in your sexual toolbox, you must be aware of the dangers to maintain a safe environment. This article will specifically talk about using gags safely.

Typically, the submissive is the one who wears the gag, either to surrender power or be humiliated, and the dominant is the one who administers the gag. There are many different types of gags. The three main categories gags fall into are: over-the-mouth gags, in-the-mouth gags and mouth opening gags. While these types are very different, there are some common usage rules that apply to all three. First, the submissive needs some sort of “safeword” to communicate with the dominant. The use of a “safeword” is absolutely necessary due to the high risk of suffocation. If at anytime the submissive needs the gag removed they would use the “safeword.” This can be tricky while using a gag because normally the submissive is unable to make coherent speech, with the slight exception of some open mouth gags. Since this can be a problem, a submissive may use a specific pattern of grunting, or a “safeword gesture,” such as holding up the boy scout sign.

Another general rule of using gags is to always be aware of the submissive’s conditions. If the submissive is prone to allergies, asthma attacks, or even has a cold, it would be best advised to not use a gag of any kind. Also, if the submissive has a bad gag reflex and is likely to throw up, most in mouth gags should be avoided to ensure that the submissive’s airway does not become blocked. It should also be noted when using in-mouth gags and over-the-mouth gags, the only open airway to the submissive is the submissive’s nose. The dominant should always be wary to not block the nasal passage in any way.

Lastly, although the dominant is in control, the submissive should have predetermined guidelines set; these guidelines are usually called hard limits. For example, some submissives may be okay with a ring gag, a gag that holds your mouth open, usually to allow a male to engage in oral sex with the submissive, while others may not. There are a lot of gags you can choose from and it is all a matter of preference.

Just remember that BDSM is supposed to be an enjoyable experience for both parties. Sit down with your partner and discuss which gags are okay to be used, what your “safeword” or “safeword gesture” is, and have fun with consensual and safe BDSM play.

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The Secret to Safe Genital Play is to Start Slowly

August 30th, 2012

The Secret to Safe Genital Play is to Start SlowlySo you’ve decided to delve into BDSM. The idea of “pain as pleasure” appeals to you and your partner and you’re ready to give it a try. So how do you keep it a pleasurable experience, and not a botched attempt that winds up in hurt feelings and hurt genitalia?

The secret is to start slowly. Before you run to the adult store and buy a year’s supply of nipple clamps, electrical shocking devices and a whip collection, discuss with your partner what they’re willing to have you do to them and what you’re willing to have them do to you.

Start any BDSM session with some rules in place. Remember, this is meant to be fun for both top and bottom. If you are administering the punishment, wear rubber gloves to help protect you and your partner from potential infection. You may also wish to have ready some clean toys and a water-soluble lube, if you plan to use penetration in your play. It is also vital that you and your partner determine a “safe word.” This is a word that the recipient will use if the play gets too intense, or you start to get too carried away.

Initial genital play should start by using two items almost everybody has — hands. Lots of playful pain can be inflicted on a prick or pussy by simply flicking your index finger sharply off the thumb, striking a sensitive area, such as the labia or the head of the penis. This is a good way to determine the pain threshold of the recipient, particularly if they are new to the scene.

Once you have determined a pain level that your partner can handle using your fingers in such a way, you might want to graduate to full-hand use. Spanking the genital area lightly but firmly can get the blood rising into the genitals quickly, making them even more sensitive.

If you have already been to the store and purchased a riding crop or spanking paddle, this is a good time to try those, but go easy. Listen to your partner’s noises, suggestions, moans and requests.

At all times watch your partners genitals when playing with them to detect any redness. This means they are getting sore. You might want to stop at this point and move on to something else. However, if your partner says they want more, play on, but play carefully.

Once you’ve mastered the use of the hands, you can add another important element that we all have: the mouth. Biting, licking and sucking the genitals, particularly after they have been spanked, plucked or pinched awake, can be a truly mind blowing experience for your partner, as well as yourself.

Have fun, take your time, listen to your partner and above all else, be safe with your partner’s privates. After all, they’re likely to return the favor on you one of these days and you will expect the same care from them.

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The Safe Use Of Nipple Clamps

August 24th, 2012

The Safe Use Of Nipple ClampsForeplay? Self stimulation? Intercourse? Whichever, nipple clamps can be used for a new experience, or a favorite alli. Nipple clamps are a (simple) part of the ever famous BDSM. Though BDSM is often associated with danger and violence, anything in safe and consensual proportion is good. There are a few things one should consider when deciding to use nipple clamps to spice things up.

Are Those Jumper Cables?

The first step of safely using nipple clamps is to identify the kind of nipple clamps you want to buy (or may have already purchased). There are many styles of nipple clamps, but with two primary clasping options.

  • Clover Clamp – These clamps have to be manually tightened and can often be used to pull or tug on for extra stimulation and excitement.
  • Tweezer Clamp – This clamp has one of two looks. One actually looks like tweezers with a small piece of plastic or metal that slides toward the nipple to increase pressure and keeps them in place.

The second kind look very similar to tiny jumper cables (voltage not included) and are generally tight enough to stimulate, though tightness can be changed. With either style there are many different kinds of attachements. Tassels can match your lingerie or even be your lingerie. Chains, strings or any connectors can be used for additional stimulation by lightly or firmly tugging them with a hand or even mouth. Some may even vibrate to create a more unique sensation.

Mr. Right, or Mrs Right for the Night?

A key with sex in general and especially with BDSM is to never do these things with someone you are not well acquanted with. When deciding to even do something so “simple” as nipple clamps, in order for it to be safe, Make sure:

 

    • I know this person sexually (this is probably not the best idea to do the first time).

 

    • I know this person publicly(you actually need to know the other persons habits).

 

    • This person is someone I can trust.

 

Ideally, it is best to be in a monogamous relationship with the other person before moving into any phase of BDSM.

In order to have a safe and fun experience with nipple clamps remember these last few things. If it hurts (not that feel good pain), stop. If either party is taking it too far or one becomes uncomfortable, stop. If either party is unsure (non consenting) at any point, stop, maybe you can try again at another time or day.

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Spanking Without Marks In BDSM

August 17th, 2012

Spanking Without Marks In BDSMAs a top, your primary duty is the safety of your sub. This is first, foremost and absolutely necessary. After all, the mantra of BDSM is “Safe, sane and consensual.” Notice the first word is safe; your sub or bottom depends on you to lead them while in subspace. Because of this, balancing the desires of your sub’s thresholds and your own desires to slowly increase them is a delicate dance. To mark or not to mark is an eternal question; one you must agree upon before beginning a spanking scene.

Leaving marks is simple enough; however, leaving marks that will fade in a short time is a much more difficult task. If you are a professional with clients, it is often not wise to leave marks that will not fade for some time. As a lover in addition to a top, your sub may simply not want marks. If either is the case, it is not your decision to leave marks; respect the wishes of your sub.

A good, firm spanking is an excellent rush while experiencing the rush of endorphins. While some who are not in the scene see spanking as a punishment, the scene understands it is not always the case. Some subs crave spankings, and a decent top can deliver not only a firm spanking but also one that will leave a sub desperate for another. It is such a delicious paradox, the pain and the pleasure of a ripened rump from a firm spanking.

The secret to a good spanking and marks or lack thereof lie in the choice of implement. One of the finest implements to use, is not expensive and will deliver a firm spanking that all good doms and subs crave is found in many homes. In fact, this practically ubiquitous item is frequently overlooked as a BDSM tool; it is a blade from a ceiling fan.

A ceiling fan blade is ideal for many reasons. Marks on a sub come from a combination of factors. Force is only a single factor; the width of the implement is also a factor. This is why a caning will leave marks for such a long time; the thin diameter of the rod or cane applies a great force across a small area and will leave marks unless very careful. The width of a ceiling fan blade allows for a firm slap but yet will not leave marks for an extended time. Additionally, the length of the blade will cover a larger area on the sub’s backside: This will more evenly distribute the force of impact across a greater area. A greater area with a larger surface will still achieve a purpose but without marks.

Regardless of what you use for a spanking, please remember the three words: Safe, sane and consensual. It cannot be one or two; it must be all three.

Here are some fantastic resources if you want more spanking information:

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