The Philoctetes Project - A Caregiver’s Eye View

March 15, 2008

Something like 2,400 years ago, the Greek dramatist Sophocles wrote a play called Philioctetes, the story of “a difficult patient.” Philoctetes, a genuine war hero, has suffered a terrible wound and has been abandoned by his fellow soldiers. He is unkempt, his infected foot is messy and gives off a terrible odor.

Philoctetes whines, he is endlessly demanding, he exhausts anyone who offers to help him. Yet he is a genuine hero to whom the Greeks owe much, and his need for care is very, very real.

The Philoctetes Project uses dramatic readings of the play to stimulate discussion about psychological, medical, political and ethical issues that arise around those who are chronically ill or injured. Doctors who participate gain valuable insight into their own behavior toward difficult patients–and also a glimpse into the world of the family caregiver.

The basic scenario is depressingly familiar to family caregivers. Mom or Dad, Uncle Joe or some other family elder to whom you owe much, needs care. You feel a strong personal obligation to provide care, and yet you are conflicted. Perhaps your family elder is a difficult person. Maybe it is someone whom you love but have never liked very much. Maybe providing care requires you to do things you find highly unpleasant—wound dressing, toileting, etc. Maybe you wonder why you have to do everything, while other family members feel no need to do anything. Maybe no one, your elder included, ever thanks you for anything you do. And no one seems to appreciate the extent to which you have subordinated your own life to the needs of your elder.

The special relevance of the Philoctetes story for caregivers is this: no matter how isolated and exhausted you feel as a caregiver, no matter how much your own darker impulses may tell you that no one has ever known what you are going through, the undeniable truth remains: caregiver stress and burnout are as old as civilization, and probably older. Whatever you may hear about the special burdens of the current generation of caregivers, people have struggled with the same issue for thousands of years.

It’s not that the things we suffer haven’t happened before, caregivers. It’s just that they never happened to us before.

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There are 2 Responses to “The Philoctetes Project - A Caregiver’s Eye View”

#1 Bob Ashley - 18 April, 11:03 AM

Hi, my name is Bob. I am 67 years old, and I can tell you I never expected to have a 96-year-old dad or an 87-year-old mother.

They used to live 100 miles away. We, my wife Patricia and I, moved them nearer to us (half a mile away). We cared, we told ourselves. We do really, but in retrospect 100 miles away was better. I have siblings who visit occasionally. I think “musn’t be bitter, Bob.” Mother has memory loss and, totally deaf, she refuses her hearing aid. She says it’s us; we cant speak properly.

I am grateful to David Solie. On a really bad day I found his web site, and now I know I am not the only one. My brother and his wife say that we were crazy to move mum and dad near us and that they would never have done it.

There is so much more to talk about. Sometimes I feel so guilty about the things I think. I have to pray for forgiveness sometimes on an hourly basis. Dad calls on the phone. If he wants postage stamp he expects us to drop our stuff and take one up to him. Give me a break.

Pray for us. God Bless you, David Solie.

#2 sjbst37 - 02 May, 9:28 AM

Hi Bob,

I wanted to let you know about an online community website called A Place for Mom’s Family. They have a really great article about “guilt.” You can read it by visiting:

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