OK, I exaggerate a little. What Harvard Medical School has actually said to caregivers is “Get better organized,” which is another way of saying, “Quit whining,” which isn’t all that far from “Drop dead.”
Harvard Medical School’s report is called “Caregiver’s Handbook: A Guide to Caring for the Ill, Elderly, Disabled…and Yourself.” Before you shell out $16 for the report, take a minute to read Alex Cukan’s review and commentary. I think she hits the nail squarely on the head:
I realize writing for caregivers is difficult because of the desire to inform without terrifying, but all too often the advice holds an underlying message—if only the caregiver could become better organized, develop better communication skills, be better informed, be more clever—the caregiver could cope better. The onus in always on the caregiver and not on society as a whole or healthcare in particular.
Caregivers serve a disenfranchised population and as a result are forever at risk of being disenfranchised themselves. The tut-tutting condescension of high profile institutions doesn’t help.
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There are 6 Responses to “Harvard to Caregivers: Drop Dead”
#2 Pete - 19 July, 5:52 PM
I couldn’t agree more, Carol. Straight information is ALWAYS helpful. Dismissive platitudes NEVER are.
#3 Carol D. O'Dell - 21 July, 5:55 PM
Most caregivers I know are amazing people. Overwhelmed, yes, but highly functional.
There’s so much professionals in the medical and care support fields could offer the caregiver–timely response for one, breaking down information, being clear and concise. Soothing and guiding with a firm and yet gentle approach. Most of the medical information and help I received was a jumbled mess that I had to untangle. Shaming the caregiver to do better isn’t the best approach.
I don’t know about you (other caregivers) but I could barely find my underwear some days. Caring for my mother who suffered from Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s and was up many, many times a night, in and out of hospitial, and demanding and needy and needing AND running a household, raising our children and making sure everybody had what they needed forced me to be organized (to some extent).
My brain, hands and heart were on overload. I managed all of my mother’s financial and medical care–oversaw not only the home health care that came and went, monitoring not only what they did, but their emotional tone with my mother and my family. I managed to stay married and somehow provided most of the meals (by far) and care for everyone.
I wrote about my experience–of caregiving on “steroids” being one of those sandwich generationers. I wrote every day. I wrote the frustrations, fears, insights and crazy, funny times that kept me alive. I also wrote honestly about managing my mother’s care and dealing with the medical and care professionals who sometimes didn’t act so professional. I wrote tactfully and honestly. My hope is to build a bridge-to give a refreshing take on these issues–for both sides. For the caregiver to feel less alone, less overwhelmed–and for the professional to understand the role and “head and heart” of the caregiver.
In the end, we all need each other.
My book, MOTHERING MOTHER: A Daughter’s Humorous and Heartbreaking Memoir is available on Amazon and in most bookstores.
~Carol D. O’DELL
www.mothering-mother.com
#4 Pete - 21 July, 8:11 PM
Professionals are pursuing their careers. Family caregivers are following their hearts in a labor of love. It makes a difference.
Thanks for sharing your experience, Carol.
#5 Marla Alupoaicei - 28 July, 9:04 AM
You’re right; the topic of caregiving must be addressed in a kind, compassionate manner. Most caregivers, especially those who are “sandwiched” between their parents and their own children, already bear too much of a physical and emotional burden. My website, Leap of Faith, includes powerful resources and articles for caregivers. I am also giving away FREE books to caregivers. Please check it out at www.marriageleap.com. Thank you!
Blessings-
Marla Alupoaicei
Director, Leap of Faith
www.marriageleap.com
#6 dianeJ - 25 October, 1:05 AM
Yes, caregivers do follow their hearts. I am so grateful that I was able to care for my own mother. It’s a very stressful job but oh so rewarding. I thank God I was able to do it. I think organizations, government should help and even pay for family members to care for their own. I think some states allow people to draw a HHA salry…..I am not sure but I was told this ……anyone else know about this?
#1 Carol Bradley Bursack - 19 July, 4:44 PM
I agree that large institutions and organizations should be putting pressure on health care, and society itself, to change. I don’t, however, think we should negate the fact that education, training and support are helpful to caregivers. Sometimes the suggestions, such as “get organized” are so simplistic as to be insulting, and I’m not defending the Harvard Report, but we don’t want to throw out the baby with the bathwater, so to speak. Organizations like the Alzheimer’s Association give training to caregivers that helps them understand what is going on in the care receiver’s brain. That, I find, is very useful.
Carol Bradley Bursack
Minding Our Elders