I’m sure you remember the Dr. Seuss classic The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins. You probably read it to your kids. Maybe your parents read it to you. Do you remember how the story starts? In the beginning, Bartholomew Cubbins didn’t have five hundred hats. He had only one hat.
Well, in the beginning, like Bartholomew, you had only one hat. You only had to take care of yourself. I’m reminded of Bartholomew because if you are now a caregiver for an elder or soon to become one you may feel a little like him–as if you just can’t ever be free from all the hats you have to wear.
This is particularly true if you’re part of a two-career couple with children still living at home. You and your partner each have at least four hats: the career hat, the partner/spouse hat, the parent hat and the caregiver hat. Underneath all the hats is you, and you may spend some of your time wondering if there is enough of you to go around.
As it happens, there are enough people in the same situation that the phenomenon has attracted the attention of researchers. A new book called Working Couples Caring for Children and Aging Parents: Effects on Work and Well-Being , by Portland State University professors Margaret Neal and Leslie Hammer, offers a few suggestions for couples:
- Plan time for each other and your own personal needs
- Obtain practical caregiving support, such as using available supports at work, getting help from family members, hiring outside help, etc.
- Choose jobs with high levels of flexibility
- Decrease demands by choosing to stop certain activities, re-evaluating life and family priorities, reducing work hours, simplifying your lifestyle, and generally reducing your expectations of what and how much you can do without help
Neal and Hammer suggest that the “obvious” solution to a time crunch, cutting back on social and family activities, is likely to be counter-productive. Working couples sandwiched between children and elders need family and friends and the energy and support they bring from outside the household. They can and do cope, but not by trying to be everything to everybody every minute of the day
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Tags: Bartholomew Cubbins, caregiver, Dr. Seuss, Leslie Hammer, Margaret Neal, sandwich generation, working couple